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Smoking

The last few weeks have been difficult.  The stress from work, combined with a new med I'm trying to get used to, have pushed me over the edge.

I wrote earlier about the med, it's Gabapentin, and it works on the central nervous system.  My pdoc told me to take it at night, thinking it might help me get a better night sleep.  But I've been waking up terribly impaired.  Driving to work felt like I was driving after 8 beers.  I'm lucky not to have clipped someone.  So after a couple weeks, last night I stopped the nighttime gaba.  I only got 3.5 hours sleep, but felt great this morning.  No more gaba at night.

But - last week I bought a pack of cigarettes.  My first since 1989.  I was climbing walls, and caved to the crave.  Since quitting, I've missed  cigarettes non-stop.  I lit that first smoke last week and it was heaven.  Since then I've smoked 3 or 4 a day, and loved every single puff of every one.  My hands have been shaking because of my psych meds, but after a cigarette I'm steady as a rock.  There's a reason for the high number of smokers among people with mental health issues, it's powerful medicine.  I hope this doesn't become a habit, but I sure love it right now.

Halloween

Halloween - the greatest kid holiday ever. Remember waiting all season for this?

 

The Christian Left

There's a Facebook page called "The Christian Left". When I discovered it, I was excited. Finally, something I could embrace. In the seventies I tried hard to turn my back on my religion. But it didn't last when my wife came along, she was a devout, accepting, caring Christian, and while she didn't get me to church every week, she got my head moving in the right direction.

In the nineties I got moving even more into Christianity, as I was moving far to the right politically. But there were things I just couldn't give up. I loved my NPR, much to the chagrin of other conservatives. And while I was pro-life, I couldn't bring myself to say there wasn't a time and place where abortions were appropriate. And I felt it hypocritical to be pro-life, yet support the death penalty. I mean, come on! What are people thinking? But I still didn't quite have a handle on acceptance, and true compassion. One small thing really changed me. I was used to people trying to take advantage of me as a store owner - stealing, asking for discounts, wanting money, etc. One night a young man came into my store, humble, introduced himself, and said he, his wife, and children were heading through town, had some problems, and needed money to get where they were going. They saw my shop, and he told me his parents had a similar shop. He said they were in a bad way, and asked if I could help his family. I turned him away. I told my wife about it, she got tears in her eyes, and asked how I could just turn them away. I got in my truck and drove around looking for them, but they had disappeared into the night. To this day I regret not helping that young family, and I'm tearing up now just thinking about it.

In the early 2000's my late son convinced me to take him to a large Christian music festival, the Cornerstone Festival. This son was an incredible person, he made Christianity cool. I learned by example from him, and he also helped shape my faith. I don't claim to be a good Christian at all, but if I can be a fraction of what Ryan was in that regard, I'd be there.

Back to the original topic, the Christian Left facebook page would be great, but it's not any different from the Christian right. There is little constructive, little motivational, and little faith being shared. It's mainly a place for like minds to hang out and feel superior. They are not tolerant, and will delete someone if they catch a whiff of dissent. It's time I stir the pot a little, and get myself banned. I'm an old hippie at heart.

Going back to the Cornerstone Music Festival my late son introduced us to, I heard a band there in maybe 2003 that blew me away. The greatest live band I've ever seen. Even today, after seeing them half dozen times, they still blow me away. If you EVER have a chance, experience this band. There's a long intro on this video, so don't bail. In honor of my efforts to continue moving in the right direction...

Sons of Guns

Isn't it interesting how you may THINK you understand someone, but you really don't, and never will.

Before I got all soft and liberal, I was as far right as I am left now. I owned a sporting goods store, selling fishing tackle, archery gear, and guns. I carried a gun every day I was in that store. I used to be a serious hunter, with rifle, shotgun, handgun, and archery equipment. So it can't be a surprise that, even though I'm very liberal, I hold to a few of my old values.

I LOVE these gun-shop shows that are on. Sons Of Guns, and American Guns. I know what they're talking about, I know what they'e selling, I know what they're making, and I know why.

Now this has been a long intro to the theme song of Sons of Guns - Tab Benoit's cover of "Shelter Me Lord". He also does much of the music in the individual shows. The show is set in Louisiana, and surprise! Tab Benoit is from Louisiana. He's also one of my favorite blues artists, maybe one of my favorite artists working today. Listen to the tone he gets out of that old Fender.

Med Update

This is such an old person thing - to talk about your meds. But I've been blogging for many years, and I know from experience how many people are out there looking for answers on mental health. I don't have the answers, but maybe we can share experiences.

I went to the pDoc today, and talked about a higher dosage of Gabapentin (Neurontin). We talked a little about it on my last few visits. This medication started as kind of an "aha" moment. All my life I've had nervous tics - blinking, facial movements, neck stretching, Rodney Dangerfield-like movements, even at times voice things, like softly whispering what was said by someone else under my breath. I knew it was Tourettes, but when I bring it up pdoc by now is thinking I'm making a mountain out of everything. I saw an ad for Horizant, used for restless leg syndrome, and I knew I needed that. All day long my legs are going a hundred miles an hour. It drives my coworkers crazy, their monitors are shaking all day. Pdoc gave me samples of Horizant, and after a month I was disappointed. It helped a little, but didn't do much. I couldn't try another month, my insurance turned it down. They pointed me towards "non-formulary" products, one being Gabapentin. I was corresponding with another person online with Tourettes, and when I heard her main med was Gabapentin, the light came on. I might be only a few steps away from relief. First month was a disappointment, but dosage was raised today, so we'll see how the next few weeks go.

If you don't know about Tourettes syndrome, it's characterized by involuntary muscle movements or tics. It can also be involuntary speech. In pop culture, you may have noticed American Idol's James Durbin's facial expressions, he has Tourettes syndrome.

Let's go out on a lighter note, we have a seventies theme, we need some hippie humor:

Why are there so many hippies in Oregon?
Because there are no jobs!

(Rimshot!) Thank you! I'll be here all week!

I Drink

One song for a late night when I can't sleep. Listen - it's a powerful song in a laid-back package. Enjoy.

Mary Gauthier (Go-SHAY ya'll)

Retro Photo Shoot

From a photographer in Iceland, a very sexy series. All done in a seventies theme, and it's really pretty accurate. I enjoyed it very much. Hopefully the photographer doesn't mind if I post one of the pics. Click through to her site to see the other pictures. It's worth it.

The Dude

Another movie clip, from one of the greatest movies of all time. The Dude, a true product of the seventies, who hasn't changed at all since the seventies. The Dude embodies all that we can be, all that we ever wanted out of life. We all think we could be The Dude, but we can't. None of us. The Dude is unattainable perfection. He's what keeps us reaching for the stars.

Boogie Nights

Stumbled on the movie Boogie Nights while surfing tonight. This movie is cool. About 70s porn star Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg), who works for porn director Jack Horner (Burt Reynolds). If nothing else, it's worth checking out just for the disco soundtrack. Brilliantly put together.

Can You Dig It?

I can dig it, he can dig it, she can dig it, we can dig it, they can dig it, you can dig it
Oh let's dig it
Can you dig it, baby

Harold and Maude

My college showed movies in an auditorium every Friday night. It didn't matter what was playing, for a dollar my girlfriend (now wife) and I could see a movie. Some were good, some not so good. But it was only a buck, and we were together.

One night they played this movie. Neither of us had heard of it, and when this scene played to open the movie, we were aghast. We did not know how to take the movie. It took a few viewings before we "got it". And even today, I'm not sure what we "got", but the movie still holds a very warm spot in my heart. And the soundtrack was one of the most perfect movie soundtracks ever.

Ohio Democratic lawmaker is proposing to drug-test elected officials

Ohio Democratic lawmaker is proposing to drug-test elected officials

The subject of drug testing people receiving public assistance really irks me. Here's a lawmaker turning the tables on his peers.

Rep. Robert Hagan's bill would require statewide officeholders, legislators, members of Gov. John Kasich's (KAY'-sik) jobs board and recipients of federal bailout money to pay for their testing for un-prescribed pharmaceuticals, illegal drugs and alcohol. Officials testing positive would have to undergo treatment or be booted from office.

You gotta love it. And I'll go a step further. Since drug use is very often a symptom of mental illness, why not screen the same officials for mental illness. Then require treatment, which of course would include psych meds. I think weed is probably the most used mood stabilizer by those with mental illness, so let's make sure the officials and lawmakers have their legal stabilizers if they screen positive for mental illness .

High Heels Returning

The seventies brought high heel platform shoes for men. Similar to the first pic, I had some, and loved wearing them. They were really pretty easy to dance in. Normally I wore my Puma Clydes, but there were times only the platforms would do. I didn't wear them with jeans, that was for boots or Pumas. But with slacks, leisure suits, or even my Johnny Carson suits, they were great.

Now when they're talking about high heels, they're often talking a different animal. Can you imagine coming out with these in the seventies? They'd think you were actually coming out. Now I've embraced diversity today, but I still wince at the thought of seeing someone walking around in those.

Jonathan King, Gary Glitter

I really don't remember any of this.

BBC chief's apology to paedophile Jonathan King for writing him out of pop history

Remember Jonathan King? "It Only Takes A Minute"?

Now 66, King was convicted in 2001 of sexual assault on five teenage boys in the 1980s. He was given a seven-year jail sentence and was released on parole in 2005.

And not only Jonathan King, but remember Gary Glitter? Rock and Roll (Part 2).

He was shamed in September 2001 when he received a seven-year sentence for six offences against five boys aged 14 to 16, committed between 1983 and 1989.

There have been other charges against Gary Glitter also.




I don't recall hearing about things like this back then. Probably because people didn't pay attention, or mind. It wasn't always the "good old days".

People With Mental Health Issues More Likely to Be Uninsured

I wonder how much this study cost. How much actual effort did it take to prove this?

People With Mental Health Issues More Likely to Be Uninsured

What's it take to be insured? For most, a job. What's it take to get and hold a job? For most, a lack of mental health issues.

Tired

To the gym, then a long day at work - all on three and a half hours of sleep. I like to get at least 4 hours. I'm going to try and do this without doubling up on my ADD medication.

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme Shock Treatment

Don't ask.

Middle Aged Mental Illness

Have you ever paid attention to the ages of employees in almost any retail store? Where are all the 50 year-old plus people? With one exception, they just aren't there. The exception, of course, is WalMart. But that's a topic for another time.

Where are the middle aged people with mental illness? You don't hear about them like you do young people - it seems like it's always young people we read about after a mania landed them in the hospital or in custody. I would suspect society has flushed out middle aged sufferers. They learn how to hold a job and quietly fit into society. Or they're institutionalized - I recently read about an explosion of people with mental illness residing in nursing homes with elderly residents. Or they're homeless, or in jail, or dead.

Depending on the study you want to believe, up to 25% of those with bipolar disorder will suicide. I assumed the majority of those were student age, up to young adult. I just read an article that amazed me - the largest number of suicides among people suffering from a mood or other mental disorder is middle aged women.
Suicide spikes among middle-aged women

Amazing, but sad.