Saturday, October 24, 2009
I had a dream about Ryan last night.
I went to visit him, he was in some sort of group rehab or residential program. The place was in a bad, old, near-downtown neighborhood. I could picture the door of the building perfectly, it was a familiar place. But when I got there, there were 2 scary people walking up the street towards me, and suddenly the doors didn’t look the same, and I wasn’t sure which was the right door.
I walked in the closest door and it took me to an area outside an empty, dark, church sanctuary. To my right I could see a room full of people, all concentrating on something at the front of the room that I couldn’t see. I saw Ryan sitting in there, just his profile from the shoulders up. A man walked up to me and asked if he could help me. I told him I was there to see my son, and he looked concerned. He said something like he didn’t think that would be a good idea. I persisted, and he got more firm. I saw Ryan looking our direction. About then, the people in the room got up and started walking by. I expected to see Ryan walk by, but he wasn’t there, I thought he was avoiding me. This didn’t surprise me, there was a lot of avoidance in our relationship.
I gave up, and asked the person if the door next to me would take me outside. He said it would, and I walked outside. As I walked out the guy said to me “I wish I could believe you, I really do.” Once outside, I was suddenly scared again, and I heard a voice telling me to run. I ran the half block to the car, stepping over a low picket fence, and got my slacks caught in the fence. I reached the car, and woke up.
What stuck with me was the fear more than anything. There are so many ways I could interpret this dream I’m not even going to try. My wife Karen said simply “oh honey, you have so much more grieving to do.” I suppose she’s right.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Carrie Fisher's Wishful Drinking, her one-woman show based on her book of the same title, is a wry, hilarious, insightful, and occasionally touching theatrical memoir of the woman who grew up as the daughter of celebrity parents (Debbie Reynolds and Eddie Fisher); went on to become a film icon with her role of Princess Leia in the first three Star Wars films; struggled with manic-depression and substance abuse; and had emotionally fraught relationships with Paul Simon, the super-famous musician to whom she was very briefly married, and agent Bryan Lourd, who left her for another man after they had a child together.
I dig Carrie Fisher, always have. I haven't read either of her books, I seem to have developed some kind of a middle age ADD and find it hard to read. But there are a few books I'd really love to read, and hers are at the top of the list.
"So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother."
The Blues Brothers - 1980
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Robert Royko, son of legendary newspaper columnist Mike Royko, was sentenced to 2 1/2 years in prison Tuesday for attempting to rob a bank on Chicago's Northwest Side with a fake bomb in 2005.
"I can't believe to this day that I did this," said Royko, 46, as he apologized to U.S. District Judge Wayne Andersen, who could have sentenced Royko to between 51 and 63 months under federal guidelines.
Royko's defense lawyers argued he struggled with bipolar disorder and was heavily medicated during the incident at the Associated Bank at 6355 N. Central Ave. He was arrested immediately by an off-duty police officer.
Monday, October 19, 2009
I do not understand the appeal of large arena shows. I do not understand people who shell out several hundred dollars a ticket to see a band who (with a few exceptions), couldn't hold their own on a stage against area talent in a local bar open-mic night. Very few seats in an arena are close enough to actually see any of the musicians without watching the jumbo-trons next to the stage. Hell, if I wanted that, I'd buy the DVD. Or for the amount spent on tickets, several box sets. Can you see who's actually playing lead without looking at the jumbo-tron? Can you see the expressions, the interplay between the musicians? No? WTF is the attraction? It goes back to when concerts were a social gathering. When you could spend less than ten bucks to see the top bands. When you would hang out on the floor, see all your friends, and share a joint with everyone. Today you can spend $250 a ticket, $12 a beer, and $40 (or more) for a t-shirt. Hell, take away their High-Life. And be careful not to step on the person's $600 loafers who's sitting next to you when you get up out of your padded seat to jam with your bimbo date with the boob-job. Don't forget to boo when they don't play your favorite song exactly like they played it on the radio!
The quality of entertainment playing small clubs and festivals is better today then it's been since the early days of rock or jazz. Within the last couple years I have seen performances standing or sitting close enough to touch some of the best musicians the world has to offer today. I have chatted, in a conversational tone, with world-class musicians on stage in small clubs. I have talked to many of these performers in the audience before or after shows. I live in a smaller community (relatively speaking) yet can find such entertainment almost any night.
Stop going to shows just to say you did. Expand your musical horizons and explore artists you may not have heard. It's a much more rewarding experience.
I had to read the headline a few times before it sunk in - the Obama administration is not prosecuting federal medical marijuana offenses where it doesn't break applicable state laws. I think that's great. I wish it would have gone further, but you take what you can get.
Now, to get mental and mood disorders approved for medical marijuana use. But that's the subject of another post.
Forty years on from their inception, and thirty years since some of the members had actually spoken to each other, Mott stormed back into London for the first of five sold-out nights at the Apollo.
If they have something musically new to say that's a different story. But to shell out big money to hear a bunch of over-the-hill rockers who haven't played together in 40 years is insanity.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
- I don't want to waste the time.
- There are other things I'd rather do.
- It's stressful when I don't fall asleep.
- I often require medication to sleep, and sometimes that medication makes me do some very strange things.
- I don't want to tackle the new day.
I can get by on very little sleep, I can go for weeks with 3 to 4 hours a night. But I need SOME sleep each night, even if it's only an hour or two. If I go too long with minimal sleep things start happening. For example, I start to see things, shadows at first, then they get more concrete as time goes on. It also impacts certain parts of my brain, for example, my creativity really suffers.
Last night I got over 8 hours, and it made a huge difference in the day. Motivation was good, frame of mind was good.
But the day's keep coming, I can't duck them forever.
See you tomorrow.